Ways to maintain a successful marriage!

28 October 2011

Piety and practice of Islam should be the deciding factor in marriage. That is, preferring a pious man or a pious woman is a great blessing for both worldly and otherworldly felicity. If the building of marriage is not based on this foundation with this intention and sincerity, that building is doomed to rot away and collapse.

• Bismillahi Rahmane Rahim,

One of the explanations for what is meant by "marriage is half of your faith" is that anyone who gets married and can overcome the trials and tribulations of marriage in an Islamic manner has then and only then accomplished reaching half of his or her faith. This has much to do with the fact that through marriage our own self-image of what or who we are, or at least what we think we are is constantly being tested. This is one of the ultimate trials Allah has set before us. For example someone may think that patience is an attribute of their character, but once they get married they may encounter situations with their spouse and family, that may cause them to realize perhaps they are not as patient as they envisioned that they were. These ordeals that you will undergo will help you to get to know yourself and your spouse better, and as a result this builds your faith. In the Quran it states that Allah test us only within the capacity of our hearts, meaning He does not give us any burden which we can not bear.

Piety and practice of Islam should be the deciding factor in marriage. That is, preferring a pious man or a pious woman is a great blessing for both worldly and otherworldly felicity. If the building of marriage is not based on this foundation with this intention and sincerity, that building is doomed to rot away and collapse.

If a man marries a girl only for her beauty, he will be deprived of her beauty. Likewise, if he marries her only for her wealth, her wealth will plague him. However, if he marries her on account of her good moral qualities and religiosity, he will not only make his worldly life and otherworldly life prosperous but also be happy and fortunate. Both the worldly life and the otherworldly life of a man who gets married to a streetwalker may be ruined. For this reason, religiosity and nobility are looked for in a girl whom a man will espouse. Nobility means being the daughter of pious parents. Such a girl is noble, of good family. The qualities that should be looked for in a bridegroom are the same, too. He should have Ahl as-Sunnah creed, never miss prayers [salat], have good morals and sincerity. If a woman gets married to a man for his wealth, fame, or status, that is, if she marries him for his worldly goods, she will be in ruins. Accordingly, she must be extra careful about this issue.

The weaker the faith of people becomes, the more they seek what is worldly. However, worldly possessions and the things they seek, desire, and rely on belong to Allah. He alone is the Owner of all, the Creator, and the Giver. If those who run after worldly advantages could realize only this fact, they would be torn apart from embarrassment.

When trust in Allahu ta’ala is perfect, worldly possessions are not sought in the least. The things of this world do not bring happiness by themselves. According to those with a weak faith, worldly goods provide many benefits. For example, other people say that so and so is well educated, on a high income, and has riches. Okay, but these are things that are here today but gone tomorrow. They cannot take us to eternity. Just as faith cannot be measured by money, so even health cannot be measured by it. Suppose that one gets married in excellent physical condition but afterwards becomes blind and is left paralyzed. In this case, that money cannot even restore one’s health. Those whose sole purpose is what is worldly worry themselves to death in this situation.

If the reason for the preferences of people is the world, that world will devastate them. But if the reason for them is the next world, they will be happy and fortunate during their lifetime because those with a strong faith are patient, brave, and are not affected greatly by events. Whether they have worldly possessions or not and whether they increase or decrease does not have any effect on them. Their helper in all their affairs is Allahu ta’ala. Others’ negligence and being worn down in the face of events are due to the weakness of their faith.

Ways to maintain a successful marriage:

• Always maintain respect. Never use disrespectful words or tones.
• Never use profanity and never curse your spouse.
• Husbands, be especially patient with your wife during her monthly cycle.
• Regularly and consistently do recreational activities together.
• Set aside special time at night for your spouse.
• Set aside time (at least one or two times a week) to talk and explain what is going on and to share any news of joy or to exhale frustrations.
• Never argue in public, or in the presence of others.
• Encourage your spouse to beautify themselves at home. Often we get dressed up, and look nice and extra sharp to go out, or to attend an event, but we don't do the same things at home. Having good appearance for your spouse, especially within the home should be encouraged, and praised. ; ;
• It is important to understand that beautification for your spouse is mutual for men and women.
• Husbands, occasionally give gifts to your wife.
• Husbands, occasionally give money to your wife.
• Teach patience, by having patience when situations become difficult.
• There is no shame in apologizing, teach this by doing this.
• Upon the entrance door of your home or residence, put ''Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim" In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.
• Husbands should recite the Adhan and or Quran loudly in the home.
• If a man visits a friend who is married but they have a wife who is not good, do not take your wife with you.
• Always try hard and put forth effort in getting to get to know and understand your spouse.
• Husbands, recognize that the language of kindness and feeling is stronger than the language of force.
• How would you treat a flower? Give it water, sunlight, be gentle with its frailty, and just take time to smell the roses. Recognize their beauty and do not allow them to be damaged. Treat your wife like a flower.
• Spending time with your wife is a type of worship, and has the blessings of performing ''I'etikaf'' (fasting while staying in a mosque) in Masjid Al-Nabi (The Masjid of the Prophet).
• Show kindness and love. Actual demonstration is more important than just having feeling in your heart.
• Do not expect your spouse to change their flaws overnight; some things need more time than others.
• Try to focus and reflect on our own faults and flaws, and ways to self-improve.
• Tell your spouse you love and care for them, verbally.